What the Funk?

How do we get ourselves out of our funks? How do we define these funks? There are obvious funks such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, but what about the less identifiable funks? I like to think of these funks as being transitional.

Transitional funks could be anything from an untitled relationship status, lack of clarity in job role / opportunities for advance, holding onto the weight you’re trying to lose, vague apartment searches, etc. These funks linger over our lives like a big dark cloud. You never know when the rain is going to hit, but when it does, it pours.

We find our energy zapped and our state of mind completely overwhelmed. It’s painful. When one thing is off in your life, everything can feel out of control and burdening.

So, how do we rise above these funks, forgive ourselves and start living our best lives? I don’t have the one size fits all answer here; however, I can tell you what I’ve found to be helpful throughout my transitional funks.

When I’m in a funk, I retreat. I’ve always been an all or nothing person. My highs are high and my lows are low. So, I’ve learned that when I feel a funk coming on, or a shift in my energy that I have to proactively change it.

I find exercising and being social with friends critical to overcoming my funks. I’ve realized that most things seem daunting and overwhelming until you take action. Once you’re chipping away at whatever is chipping away at you, you will feel a sense of control.

Last year, I felt helpless and hopeless. I was alive, but I wasn’t living. My fight with New York had finally caught up to me and I didn’t have the energy anymore. I was tired of fighting the current, I was exhausted and that’s when I learned something that changed my life.

In wilderness class we were taught to never fight the current. That you must flow with the current, because otherwise the current will consume you and that will be the end.

There have been many points in my life where I could’ve fought the current until it killed me, but when I’ve surrendered to the universe, it always let’s me free.

I’m used to dealing with high level stress. Like crazy people, moving in 24 hours, jobless, loveless, broke, kind of issues. Now, I find myself very far from such extreme and toxic situations.

That said, the transitional funks can be just as daunting. Sure they aren’t life altering, but they are events and people and places that you have to overcome.

How do you get through the tough times? You force yourself out of your comfort zone, but you also listen to your heart and mind. You have to find the balance between flowing with the current and doing all you can to save yourself.

I mentioned that when I’m in a funk, I retreat. Knowing this about myself helps me avoid getting down, because I know what I need to do. I need to show up and see my friends who give me more life than I ever thought possible. I need to book that class, meditate for a few minutes, eat something green and give thanks for the beautiful life that is mine.

2012 was one of the roughest years of my life. I had a choice then to sink or swim. Leaving the life I knew to start a life I wanted was the best decision I’ve ever made. Every step throughout my New York journey has been a process, but this process has matured me and healed me.

Whether you’re dealing with a transitional funk, or a life needing an extreme makeover, take the plunge. Figure out what it takes to get to where you want to be and just do it. We’re afraid, we’re anxious, we’re blah blah blah. We should be excited and ambitious and dreaming endlessly of all the possibilities.

Everything is perception. I’ve literally watched my own life transform in front of my own eyes because I let go and let life take the reigns. When you love the universe, the universe loves you back.

You are all that you need to get to where you want to be. You are the love you share and the lives you touch. You’re beauty and grace you share with the world. If you’re in a funk, figure out a way to flip it around and change your life.

I Hope That You Choose You

I’ve had a lot of friends reach out to me lately regarding their relationship status. Some of them are single and dating, some in the talking phase, some in relationships. What I seem to keep hearing over and over again though is a feeling of inadequacy. Girls wondering why they simply weren’t enough. I used to struggle with this as well. I mean if we’re being totally honest who hasn’t taken the blame for someone not choosing them at least once?

Rejection in any form can trigger underlying insecurities and make us wonder why we weren’t enough for the individual. Why couldn’t this person see us for what our friends and family see us as? Why didn’t they think we were enough of a catch for them to stop trolling bars and dating apps? Why is it that we get traded in for the next best thing?

My view on this has changed drastically over the years. I used to bear the cross of rejection spending way too many hours analyzing myself and rehashing jerk after jerk with my girlfriends. Thankfully, I dated some truly wonderful gems and have an incredible support system who have helped me get to the place where I am now. Where is that? It’s above all of the judgement.

What I’ve learned is that most of the time people aren’t really thinking about you. It’s honestly not really about you at all. Timing is everything. Finding a strong connection with someone is actually really hard. You aren’t going to click with every person you go out with. You aren’t going to see fireworks and feel your heart drop to your stomach just over anyone. It takes time to find the right people for yourself.

Previously, I wrote about finding your friends and surrounding yourself with positivity. I think dating is no different. You might go out with one person and know they are your soulmate instantly. You might go out with 5 million people and not connect with any of them. You might find someone who captures your heart and turns you into a total mush only to be ghosted, or rejected. It’s ok. The lesson is to not lose yourself despite whatever scenario is currently going on in your life. People will come and go, but you’re stuck with yourself forever. So, make yourself someone you want to be around.

I hope that you don’t settle for comfortable, or convenient. I hope that when someone doesn’t choose you, you still choose yourself. I hope that you are kind to yourself and love yourself when someone else decides not to. I hope that you’ll remember your worth and uniqueness and you won’t skip a beat for anyone else who doesn’t as well. I’m not saying strive for perfection, but I am saying strive for your best.

One of my girlfriends and I were talking last night and she just made my day. She was so sweet and selective with her words. We were talking about life and she said “you deserve everything. You deserve a good morning text and above and beyond. You deserve everything.” And she’s right, I do and so do you. We all deserve that.

So, I challenge you to let go of the ones who don’t give you everything. Life is too short to be half ass. Life is too short to blame yourself instead of recognizing that sometimes things aren’t meant to be. We waste time wondering why x,y,z didn’t work out when we could be making something else happen.

I hope that you know your worth. I hope that you only allow relationships that propel you to be the best version of yourself. I hope that you choose YOU. ❤

Go Where You Are Celebrated

Wow! It feels exciting and scary to be blogging again. I started Big Apple Little Seed years ago to share my New York experiences with friends, family and the worldwide web. I was very consistent and found so much joy in writing. I stopped blogging and picked up other pastimes, some good and some bad. For years, I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to blog again. I started a personal website, but it felt way too formal. I started blogging about my dating life, but I didn’t feel inspired.

It wasn’t until today that I felt inspired and clear on what I wanted to do next. I owe my clarity and inspiration to my friends and family. This past week, I was going through a lot and my friends and family showed up. Last night, my girlfriends and I got dressed up, pranced around the city, danced on stage at Public, made new friends, and laughed until we quite literally cried.

Last night, I injured myself. I was walking up the steps of Public’s stage and checking someone out simultaneously and the universe wasn’t having it. I busted my ass. I woke up with a foot the size of my face and have had to spend the day rotating frozen Brussel sprouts from my knee to my ankle. I don’t do very well with down time. I like to keep moving and going and accomplishing something. So, being a lard all day has felt a bit out of my comfort zone. That said, it’s led me to major realizations.

Throughout my day, my friends and family called and texted me. They offered to help me, to bring me things, to take me to the doctor. They reminded me that they love me and they made me smile. So tonight, I want to honor these lovely humans and share what having solid female friendships has done for me personally and how these women have changed my life.

If you know me, you know that I’ve been through some really awful experiences. Who hasn’t? We all have obstacles and pain that we can use to propel us, or bring us down. I’ve been betrayed time and time again by some of the people I’ve loved in my life. This betrayal was across various relationships, but tonight, I want to focus on the impact female friend betrayal has had on me.

I tend to greet everyone with open arms. This means that when I meet someone, I assume the best until they’ve proven otherwise. I’ve gotten myself in trouble from assuming that everyone deserves your trust and loyalty before they’ve earned it. I’ve learned the hard way that everyone has the capacity to betray your trust and you have to be careful about opening up to people before you know their true colors.

I’ve been burned throughout my life by those whom I considered family. Due to this, I unknowingly lived life thinking that if I allowed females to get close to me, they would stab me in the back. I’ve always been incredibly independent, so I began relying on myself even more through hard times. I got tired of surface friendships and surrounding myself with people I had to censor myself with. I lost interest in surrounding myself with those who made me feel bad about myself, those who constantly made me feel like I was doing something wrong, with those who didn’t make me feel inspired.

2016 was one of hardest years I’ve ever had. It was lonely. There were the friends I still carry today, but I was working through things and changes and my life holistically was in  a transitional state. Carrie Bradshaw nailed it when she said in New York City, you’re always looking for an apartment, job, or boyfriend. If everything in your life is perfectly aligned, you’re a walking miracle.

2017 has shown me the beauty and power in strong, positive and inspiring female friends. At the beginning of this year, one of my best friends told me that you have to build your group and know that these people will have your back no matter what. That you could rob a 711 (do not advise this) show up on their doorstep and they would take you in without judgement. These are the friends who tell you to put the ICEE down, return to the store and help you make amends/ develop an action plan for next steps.

This example sounds silly, but it totally resonated with me. When you surround yourself with people who love you no matter what, who have your back and who want you to be the best version of yourself, you grow. This year, I’ve found my squad. They consist of career-driven women, fitness fanatics, foodies, world travelers, fashionistas, philanthropists, volunteers, adventurers, dancers, artists, health nuts, and everything in between.

These women bring so much to my life and have made it a life worth fighting for. We keep in touch via FaceTime, phone calls, texting, or if I’m lucky in-person. I cherish every second with my soulmates and I’m so thankful that the universe brought me my angels. Find people who celebrate you and never let them go.