I used to think timing wasn’t a determining factor in whether or not a relationship could succeed. I thought if two people were into one another, that anything was possible. I believed that if someone liked you enough that they would move mountains to make it happen with you, but as I’ve gotten older, I think I was wrong.
We live in a culture so consumed by work. We spend our adolescent years killing ourselves to get into the right college, our college years killing ourselves to secure the right internship, our internships days devoted to landing a job offer. Once we graduate college, if we don’t have a returning job offer from a previous internship, we begin the long dreaded search for employment. Some will be lucky enough to receive offers from companies they might not have interned with before graduation, but others are left to their own vices. So, we’re thrown to the wolves and we spend our lives climbing our version of a career ladder. As we approach thirty, I feel many people start to settle down.
That said, we are a generation of procrastination. We don’t procrastinate everything, but we do pick and choose. We might be super proactive with our jobs, but let our health fall to the back burner. We might be super successful in both work and play, but neglect any form of social life. We might be super human and have rockin bods, a killer career, and be a total socialite, but not worry about fostering meaningful romantic relationships.
In NYC, the city that never sleeps, we’re bred to believe that we can fake it til we make it. That if we just try hard enough, we too can have it all. So, we conduct our lives thinking that it will all work out. That we will have it all, but we just have to focus on x,y,z for the moment and then handle the rest. Sure, this type of tunnel vision is great for laser focus and knocking to-dos off your list, but I have to wonder, is this type of mentality dangerous?
If we wait for tomorrow, tomorrow might not come. How do we balance everything so that we can have it all without feeling stretched too thin, or that we’ve settled in certain areas? If I had the answer, I probably wouldn’t be writing this, but I will share what I’ve learned so far.
Balance is essential
Sometimes when I get super stressed out, or down, I will isolate myself. I’ll retreat from my friends and family and host the pity party of a lifetime. I’ll complain to myself about how unfair life is, how tired I am, or how I don’t have time to change my life, but that simply isn’t true and even though it temporarily lets me off the hook, I know I could do better.
I hate to reference this example, because it comes from a total troll I was briefly seeing at the beginning of this year. In his field, he really didn’t have the time to work out, but had noticed he’d put on a few lbs, so he made changes to his diet consistently in addition to working out when possible. He didn’t let the excuse of working all of the time keep him from his goal of becoming healthier. He evaluated the problem and thought of a solution. He didn’t play the victim and stuff his face with donuts (been there done that…. Struggle is real), but instead he identified his goal and made the changes he could at the time.
Transitional periods are temporary
Lately, I’ve been having a time, to say the least. WOOF. Anyway, one of my best friends reminded me last night that challenging circumstances are only temporary. I tend to be such a big picture gal that it’s hard for me to place myself in the present and accept that change doesn’t happen overnight. I tend to allow feelings to dictate how I handle a situation when in reality feelings are subjective. We can’t go off how we’re feeling and we can’t go from a mile to a marathon in five minutes. Patience is a virtue for a reason.
Prioritize what you value
We’re all chasing that paper, but at the end of the day, who wants to be broke and alone? And don’t go thinking you’re gonna be the next Hugh Heffner. I mean seriously. We live and breathe our 9-5, which everyone knows is really 24/7, but at the end of the day, I suppose it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Someone who makes you forget about the fact that 10/12 hours that day were spent on the verge of a panic attack and feeling like you’re nothing more than smeared dog shit on a sidewalk of the Lower East Side.
And hey, you’re asexual? You hate people? I get it. I’m not saying a relationship is the end all be all of your existence. I’m saying find what lights a fire under your ass and pursue it. I’m the most ADD person you’ll ever meet. I’m currently working a minimum (haha as if) of 40 hours a week, pursuing a side hustle, volunteering/joining a new charity, rekindling my love of fitness with classes and running, working on a project that takes at least 3 hours of every day and a lot of time on the weekends, casually dating, blogging, reading, staying in touch and involved with friends and family, and most importantly trying to find my mind after losing it on a daily basis.
Maybe all of that means I’m spreading myself too thin, but for whatever reason I refuse to give up.
Sometimes when you’re trying to accomplish a million things, it feels like you’re accomplishing nothing at all. Maybe that’s why Steve Jobs was such a jerk and devoted his life so much to his career that he wouldn’t even change up his wardrobe. Nah blue pants, you ain’t getting a second thought. All I got time for is Apple. He simplified everything and focused on the only thing that mattered to him. I don’t think there is a right or wrong to this way of living. I mean the dude was super successful, but was he fulfilled? Was he happy?
Things have been so chaotic and there has been so much in the mix that I know I need to cut back on a few things and stop drowning myself in the endless opportunities that life presents. That said, I do think you can have it all with applied discipline. We must schedule our time so that it reflects our values and goals. You have the power to accomplish everything you want, but you have to be consistent.
I’m curious, what’s your routine? What keeps you going when you’re stressed out and disengaged? How do you plan your life? For me, I think starting each week with a set schedule is crucial. Have I done that? Yes. Have I stuck to it? Nah. But we live for another day and with 2018 approaching, it’s time to reevaluate who you are and what you want to accomplish and what it takes to get there.