New Year, New Opportunities

It’s been awhile, but safe to say, I’m back in business. Thought I needed to go all incognito over the past couple of weeks, but where is the fun in that?

I’ve started and stopped like a mille a mille (no longer relevant? Psh Wayne for life, baby)  posts, but blogging and writing have been on the back burner in terms of pressing priorities.

On Saturday, I decided to take time to write and blog. I sat down to write a blog post and ended up writing a six page piece that I’m in love with, but feel it’s way too personal and not blog appropriate, so filing it under future book material.

That said, hey! what’s up? hello! I’ve missed you and the joy that comes from pounding my thoughts onto a keyboard. The fact that I wrote six pages and then wanted to write this (and on a totally separate topic), really demonstrates how much of a release and joy writing and blogging are for me. I want to make more time for this again, because it’s truly therepeutic and hopefully enjoyable for you :).

What a year you’ve been already, amirite? Everyone I know seems to be in mega hermit mode and it’s not because of the cold weather, or cuffing season that is upon us. It seems that regardless of industry, or role, everyone is buried in more work than blankets this winter.

Everyone I talk to is either looking for a job, drowning in their current job, or attempting to get hired without getting fired aka kill their current job while killing themselves to find another gig.

In addition to the current craze around careers, we have a million other gaps to fill. What about dating & relationships, diet & exercise, family & friends, passions & hobbies, philanthropy & volunteerism, religion & spirituality? Talk about a balancing act. So, what do we do with limited time and competing-priorities? We strategize, because after all, fail to plan and plan to fail.

How do you learn how to juggle when you can barely get out of bed in the morning? Practice, patience, perseverance and consistency. I know, painful, but necessary.

This past month, I’ve learned that despite my best efforts, I can’t do it all. Alas, my dreams of being superwoman have been crushed. Once you accept that you don’t have super natural powers, you can stop beating yourself up for falling short. This is SUPER hard for me. I always want it all and want it all at the same time.

I started listing out things I want to happen simultaneously and it occured to me that I’m not Oprah and that made me sad. The thing is, you can have it all and you can be it all, but it takes sacrifice and learning what you want the most versus what you want to a lesser degree. For example, when I moved to NYC, I wanted to live here. That was my priority, so sharing a bunk bed with a stranger (not an ideal goal) was a sacrifice I made. Job searching and networking replaced time that could’ve been spent doing other things, because having cash flow was my biggest priority. Once you’ve achieved your goal through sacrifice, you can move onto the next.

I’m not saying not to try, but what I am saying is try your hardest with what you’ve deemed priority, so that your effort and values align. This will help you to fight feelings of inadequacy, and promote a feeling of accomplishment when the things you are laser-focused on go well. It can feel defeating when you’re doing well in one area, but other areas are suffering… that’s life and it’s okay! The important thing to remember is that change and growth take time.

Goal setting

This year, I set three major goals. I mimicked this idea from one of my best friends who told me she does this every year. Initially, I thought this was absurd! Only three goals? But then I got to thinking and I realized the value in her strategy. Three goals might seem minimal, but it’s really not when you think about all of the work that goes into accomplishing anything big.

Having three pillars in the front of my mind (and planner) keep me laser-focused on what I want to achieve. For example, if my goal is to run a marathon, there is a ton of planning and preparation that needs to happen in order to achieve this goal.

Have patience with the process

You can’t go from zero to hundred in a day. Achieving anything worth while requires dedication, sacrifice, consistency and endurance.

Patience is a virtue and a pain in the ass, but it’s worth mastering; good things come to those who prioritize, plan and consistently execute.

I am someone who wants it all and wants it all right now. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see the steps necessary to accomplish the big pictures that consume my mind. It’s like I want to be at point B, but I tend to just think of the end game and not how to get to get to my destination. Thinking this way is dangerous and doesn’t allow you to think of the steps you can take each day to reach your end game.

Think of your process as an art

It’s a balancing act between knowing your destination and figuring out how to get there. Consistent daily actions are the key to achieving your roadmap success. If you just think about the end game, you’re a visionary/idealist. If you just think about where you are and not where you want to be, you’re stagnant. If you combine the two you find progress.

So often, we get caught up in where we want to be and forget to appreicate the small details that get us there. Changing your life is truly an art. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Masterpieces don’t just appear. The process is tedious and creative. You have a blank canvass and it is your responsibility to brainstorm and plan your process of execution and ways of achievement vary for everyone.

One of my goals is around fitness, so I found a gym partner who has a similar fitness goal and we’ve begun working out together. Having an accountability partner makes it easier to suffer through early mornings filled with dark and cold commutes. We’ve had some turbulence; however, we created a schedule for this week and we’re both committed to it.

For months, I battled with geographical obstacles, work schedules and varying membership obligations when trying to work out with friends. Now, I’ve found someone who has a similar goal, works out at the same time as me and goes to the same gym as me. It’s convenient for both of us and thus simplifies our strategy to achieve our goals.

Stick with it

After you’ve defined your goal and simplified your strategy, you have to remain committed. This is the hardest part! Maybe you want to stay up late, or hit snooze for a few more hours (evvvvvery day OMG), but you can’t. You have to commit to the process and consistency means sacrificing certain things to achieve your goals.

What do you do when you have competing goals? Plan ahead and stick to your plan. That way, when your head is spinning and you have numerous options, you will be less likely to suffer from analysis paralysis.

Analysis paralysis is the worrrrst and you accomplish nothing, so just don’t go there.

I keep a monthly planner, because I like to see things written down, but with so much on my plate, I love finding new ways to stay organized. What are some of the ways you stay organized? Is it through apps, traditional planners, default routine? I would love to hear any tips and tricks you find helpful!


I used to think timing wasn’t a determining factor in whether or not a relationship could succeed. I thought if two people were into one another, that anything was possible. I believed that if someone liked you enough that they would move mountains to make it happen with you, but as I’ve gotten older, I think I was wrong.

We live in a culture so consumed by work. We spend our adolescent years killing ourselves to get into the right college, our college years killing ourselves to secure the right internship, our internships days devoted to landing a job offer. Once we graduate college, if we don’t have a returning job offer from a previous internship, we begin the long dreaded search for employment. Some will be lucky enough to receive offers from companies they might not have interned with before graduation, but others are left to their own vices. So, we’re thrown to the wolves and we spend our lives climbing our version of a career ladder. As we approach thirty, I feel many people start to settle down.

That said, we are a generation of procrastination. We don’t procrastinate everything, but we do pick and choose. We might be super proactive with our jobs, but let our health fall to the back burner. We might be super successful in both work and play, but neglect any form of social life. We might be super human and have rockin bods, a killer career, and be a total socialite, but not worry about fostering meaningful romantic relationships.

In NYC, the city that never sleeps, we’re bred to believe that we can fake it til we make it. That if we just try hard enough, we too can have it all. So, we conduct our lives thinking that it will all work out. That we will have it all, but we just have to focus on x,y,z for the moment and then handle the rest. Sure, this type of tunnel vision is great for laser focus and knocking to-dos off your list, but I have to wonder, is this type of mentality dangerous?

If we wait for tomorrow, tomorrow might not come. How do we balance everything so that we can have it all without feeling stretched too thin, or that we’ve settled in certain areas? If I had the answer, I probably wouldn’t be writing this, but I will share what I’ve learned so far.

Balance is essential

Sometimes when I get super stressed out, or down, I will isolate myself. I’ll retreat from my friends and family and host the pity party of a lifetime. I’ll complain to myself about how unfair life is, how tired I am, or how I don’t have time to change my life, but that simply isn’t true and even though it temporarily lets me off the hook, I know I could do better.

I hate to reference this example, because it comes from a total troll I was briefly seeing at the beginning of this year. In his field, he really didn’t have the time to work out, but had noticed he’d put on a few lbs, so he made changes to his diet consistently in addition to working out when possible. He didn’t let the excuse of working all of the time keep him from his goal of becoming healthier. He evaluated the problem and thought of a solution. He didn’t play the victim and stuff his face with donuts (been there done that…. Struggle is real), but instead he identified his goal and made the changes he could at the time.

Transitional periods are temporary

Lately, I’ve been having a time, to say the least. WOOF. Anyway, one of my best friends reminded me last night that challenging circumstances are only temporary. I tend to be such a big picture gal that it’s hard for me to place myself in the present and accept that change doesn’t happen overnight. I tend to allow feelings to dictate how I handle a situation when in reality feelings are subjective. We can’t go off how we’re feeling and we can’t go from a mile to a marathon in five minutes. Patience is a virtue for a reason.

Prioritize what you value

We’re all chasing that paper, but at the end of the day, who wants to be broke and alone? And don’t go thinking you’re gonna be the next Hugh Heffner. I mean seriously. We live and breathe our 9-5, which everyone knows is really 24/7, but at the end of the day, I suppose it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Someone who makes you forget about the fact that 10/12 hours that day were spent on the verge of a panic attack and feeling like you’re nothing more than smeared dog shit on a sidewalk of the Lower East Side.

And hey, you’re asexual? You hate people? I get it. I’m not saying a relationship is the end all be all of your existence. I’m saying find what lights a fire under your ass and pursue it. I’m the most ADD person you’ll ever meet. I’m currently working a minimum (haha as if) of 40 hours a week, pursuing a side hustle, volunteering/joining a new charity, rekindling my love of fitness with classes and running, working on a project that takes at least 3 hours of every day and a lot of time on the weekends, casually dating, blogging, reading, staying in touch and involved with friends and family, and most importantly trying to find my mind after losing it on a daily basis.

Maybe all of that means I’m spreading myself too thin, but for whatever reason I refuse to give up.

Sometimes when you’re trying to accomplish a million things, it feels like you’re accomplishing nothing at all. Maybe that’s why Steve Jobs was such a jerk and devoted his life so much to his career that he wouldn’t even change up his wardrobe. Nah blue pants, you ain’t getting a second thought. All I got time for is Apple. He simplified everything and focused on the only thing that mattered to him. I don’t think there is a right or wrong to this way of living. I mean the dude was super successful, but was he fulfilled? Was he happy?

Things have been so chaotic and there has been so much in the mix that I know I need to cut back on a few things and stop drowning myself in the endless opportunities that life presents. That said, I do think you can have it all with applied discipline. We must schedule our time so that it reflects our values and goals. You have the power to accomplish everything you want, but you have to be consistent.

I’m curious, what’s your routine? What keeps you going when you’re stressed out and disengaged? How do you plan your life? For me, I think starting each week with a set schedule is crucial. Have I done that? Yes. Have I stuck to it? Nah. But we live for another day and with 2018 approaching, it’s time to reevaluate who you are and what you want to accomplish and what it takes to get there.



Go Where You Are Celebrated

Wow! It feels exciting and scary to be blogging again. I started Big Apple Little Seed years ago to share my New York experiences with friends, family and the worldwide web. I was very consistent and found so much joy in writing. I stopped blogging and picked up other pastimes, some good and some bad. For years, I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to blog again. I started a personal website, but it felt way too formal. I started blogging about my dating life, but I didn’t feel inspired.

It wasn’t until today that I felt inspired and clear on what I wanted to do next. I owe my clarity and inspiration to my friends and family. This past week, I was going through a lot and my friends and family showed up. Last night, my girlfriends and I got dressed up, pranced around the city, danced on stage at Public, made new friends, and laughed until we quite literally cried.

Last night, I injured myself. I was walking up the steps of Public’s stage and checking someone out simultaneously and the universe wasn’t having it. I busted my ass. I woke up with a foot the size of my face and have had to spend the day rotating frozen Brussel sprouts from my knee to my ankle. I don’t do very well with down time. I like to keep moving and going and accomplishing something. So, being a lard all day has felt a bit out of my comfort zone. That said, it’s led me to major realizations.

Throughout my day, my friends and family called and texted me. They offered to help me, to bring me things, to take me to the doctor. They reminded me that they love me and they made me smile. So tonight, I want to honor these lovely humans and share what having solid female friendships has done for me personally and how these women have changed my life.

If you know me, you know that I’ve been through some really awful experiences. Who hasn’t? We all have obstacles and pain that we can use to propel us, or bring us down. I’ve been betrayed time and time again by some of the people I’ve loved in my life. This betrayal was across various relationships, but tonight, I want to focus on the impact female friend betrayal has had on me.

I tend to greet everyone with open arms. This means that when I meet someone, I assume the best until they’ve proven otherwise. I’ve gotten myself in trouble from assuming that everyone deserves your trust and loyalty before they’ve earned it. I’ve learned the hard way that everyone has the capacity to betray your trust and you have to be careful about opening up to people before you know their true colors.

I’ve been burned throughout my life by those whom I considered family. Due to this, I unknowingly lived life thinking that if I allowed females to get close to me, they would stab me in the back. I’ve always been incredibly independent, so I began relying on myself even more through hard times. I got tired of surface friendships and surrounding myself with people I had to censor myself with. I lost interest in surrounding myself with those who made me feel bad about myself, those who constantly made me feel like I was doing something wrong, with those who didn’t make me feel inspired.

2016 was one of hardest years I’ve ever had. It was lonely. There were the friends I still carry today, but I was working through things and changes and my life holistically was in  a transitional state. Carrie Bradshaw nailed it when she said in New York City, you’re always looking for an apartment, job, or boyfriend. If everything in your life is perfectly aligned, you’re a walking miracle.

2017 has shown me the beauty and power in strong, positive and inspiring female friends. At the beginning of this year, one of my best friends told me that you have to build your group and know that these people will have your back no matter what. That you could rob a 711 (do not advise this) show up on their doorstep and they would take you in without judgement. These are the friends who tell you to put the ICEE down, return to the store and help you make amends/ develop an action plan for next steps.

This example sounds silly, but it totally resonated with me. When you surround yourself with people who love you no matter what, who have your back and who want you to be the best version of yourself, you grow. This year, I’ve found my squad. They consist of career-driven women, fitness fanatics, foodies, world travelers, fashionistas, philanthropists, volunteers, adventurers, dancers, artists, health nuts, and everything in between.

These women bring so much to my life and have made it a life worth fighting for. We keep in touch via FaceTime, phone calls, texting, or if I’m lucky in-person. I cherish every second with my soulmates and I’m so thankful that the universe brought me my angels. Find people who celebrate you and never let them go.